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Wednesday, December 19, 2007
It was a time, it was a certain place in our hearts. The slasher craze really didn't last that long though. But for a few glorious years, everybody was trying to get on the lucrative bandwagon and follow the enormous success of films like Friday the 13th and Halloween. Everyone from big-name stars and filmmakers, as with Happy Birthday To Me, to crude backyard productions. Most, however, were done with a modest budget and their shortcomings were endearing to those of us that had a taste for it.
Like with other dead genres like Punk and Rock and Roll, we have hopefuls attempting to revive the slasher picture. It worked with Scream, because Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson took the trappings of the genre and added a modern twist. It worked with Behind the Mask, for the same reasons.
Don't get me wrong...I like ripoff movies. The exploitation genre is rife with them. But while it's fun to have watched and revisit vintage movies with poor acting and shoddy production values, it's not much fun to watch a new filmmaker attempt to recreate it. What was once endearing now is pathetic.
Case in point: Hatchet. Hatchet came with loads of hype. Even horror expert Harry Knowles* pronounced it a classic. People have been singing its praises as some sort of rebirth of the slasher subgenre. All I saw in it was a sad excuse for a film and a throwback to better days.
It can be done right. Grindhouse, while a box office disaster, was embraced by most true fans. But Adam Green is no Tarantino or Rodriguez. Not by a long shot.
He seems like a nice guy though and I think his heart was in the right place. But for me, his film falls short of its intended mark. And I didn't discover slasher movies on cable or VHS. I was there, Jack, in the trenches. I waited in long lines at indoor theaters and partied like a maniac at drive-ins. Watching the real deal. I'm not that easily fooled.
When it all boils down, most of them weren't even all that great. But what they are, they are. The classic slasher films represent that time and place that I mentioned above. Good, bad and ugly, we grew up with them and they are like our beloved, crazy family.
The plot of Hatchet is routine and the gore is pretty good at times. At others it falls flat. But it failed altogether in its attempt to recreate? Redefine? Resurrect? Reinvent? Even celebrate the slasher genre. Hatchet is washed out and lifeless.
The acting is pretty bad, with embarrassing standouts by Robert Englund (as an unconvincing redneck) and Tony Todd (as an unconvincing Cajun mojo man). I don't think anyone was particularly good in their roles, but I have to admit that the black dude did a pretty good Mantan Moreland impersonation a couple of times.
All in all, I felt cheated and angry when Hatchet finally ended. I didn't like it and I am no longer buying DVDs blind. I'm sick of being burned. Fuck the hype. See The Girl Next Door instead, which I consider to be one of the best genre films of this decade.
As for all this retro crap, to me it's no better than remakes. If you're going to take the elements of successful past films and fuck it all up, it makes no difference if you call it Friday the 13th 2008 or Hatchet.
*Insert a generous amount of sarcasm here
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